A few weeks ago, I published a piece in Forbes with tips on how to learn from your toughest customers.
During most of the year, these “customers” tend to the people buying our products or using our services — people who don’t understand why our products or services cost so much, are so difficult to understand, or why they should choose them over other options.
During the holidays, though, these people tend to be our family members — people who don’t understand why we moved so far from home, don’t call or visit more often, or why we support a certain political party, politician, or cause.
Luckily, the same techniques we use to understand our business’ customers and craft solutions that help them solve their problems or achieve the progress they seek (their Jobs to be Done, according to Harvard Business Professor Clayton Christensen), can also be used to keep the peace at your next family gathering.
Here are some Customer Research Do’s and Don’ts to help you navigate your next visit with family:
1.DO establish the topic of conversation. DON’T lead with your opinion: When you start an in-depth qualitative interview with a customer, you don’t start the conversation with “I think what we do is awesome and that you’re a horrible person if you don’t agree with me.” You start with, “Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today. I’m very excited to hear your opinions about my business.”
We all know you’re not excited to hear Uncle Lenny’s opinion on gun control but starting the conversation with your opinion isn’t going to help things. So, when Uncle Lenny brings up the topic, simply acknowledge the topic and ask if others are interested in having the conversation. Who knows, maybe Aunt Jenny will shut the conversation down before it gets started.
2.DO listen more than you talk. DON’T try to win the argument. The purpose of customer interviews is to learn from your customer, not to convince them to do something. That’s why you try to talk only 20% of the time and listen 80%.
When Uncle Lenny, undeterred by Aunt Jenny’s pleas to move on, continues to expound on why he believes what he believes about gun control, don’t try to drown him out, overwhelm him with data, or win him over to your side. Instead, listen to what he has to say, ask open-ended questions, and, every so often, chime in with your point of view.
3.DO be curious. DON’T make assumptions. During customer interviews, you don’t take things at face value. When a customer says something is easy, you ask what makes it easy. When as customer says they want something to be more convenient, you ask what “more convenient” would look like. You don’t assume you know what the customer means, you ask.
When Grandpa Joe says that anyone who believes (fill in the topic) is a (fill in the negative stereotype), don’t assume that he’s talking about you. Ask why he thinks that people who believe X are Y. Maybe he’s never met anyone who believes X and is simply repeating something he heard. As a result, he may be surprised that the family member he loves who doesn’t fit the stereotype does believe X. Maybe he HAS met someone who believes X and they do fit the stereotype. Then you can remind him that 1 person doesn’t represent everyone in a group and that while yes, that person may not be his cup of tea, there are other people (like you) who are.
4.DO share your opinions. DON’T be dogmatic about it. In the rare instance when a customer starts to assert patently false things — a company has satanic roots, a product kills pets, an executive committed a crime — it’s your responsibility to speak-up and correct the falsehood. When you correct a customer, you don’t stand up and shout in their face, you speak slowly and calmly, gently acknowledging their opinion before sharing the facts, and you do this only a few times before moving on to the next topic.
When Grandpa Joe refuses to relent on his “anyone who believes X is a Y” stance, you have every right to disagree but doing it with the same absolute language and heated emotions isn’t going to change his mind. Instead, consider framing your opinion as a question, “Grandpa, what if I believe X. What would you think then?” If he persists, then gently explain that you hear him, respectfully disagree with him, and believe X for the following reasons.
5.DO know your limits. DON’T be afraid to leave when they’ve been reached. Customer interviews have a time limit and, no matter how chatty, interesting, or charming your customer is, you end the conversation when the time limit has been reached. Maybe you schedule time for a follow-up conversation but more often than not, you thank them for their time, hand them their check, and show them out the door.
Family time also has a limit. When you reach the limit of your patience, energy, civility, or sanity, thank everyone for their time and show yourself out the door. Yes, you may miss out on Grandma’s pie or your sibling’s vacation photos, but that’s a small price to pay for keeping the peace. And you can always schedule time late for conversations with select family members.
In closing
Talking to customers isn’t easy. Neither is talking to your family. But by using the same techniques you use to understand and empathize with your customers, you can navigate the minefields of family gatherings, maintain your sanity, and maybe even make it to dessert.
“They put their modems in filing cabinet drawers! Can you believe it?!?!”
The crowd roared with laughter. I closed my eyes and started to breathe deeply. Mainly so I wouldn’t throw my chair at the speaker.
The speaker was an industry icon. The gentleman was responsible for many of the cable and telecommunications inventions that we take for granted. After regaling us with stories from the past, the type of adventures one can only have when an industry is still small and scrappy, he was asked about the future.
He talked about ambitious plans to make it easier for people to age at home — everything from connected devices to modular accessibility tools to building code changes. It was while speaking about that last ambition that he made the comment about modem placement. And, in return, a room full of engineers laughed, shook their heads and wondered how consumers could be so stupid.
Your customers are not stupid.
Yes, customers do a lot of unexpected things. But that doesn’t mean they’re stupid.
They’re doing unexpectedly and seemingly stupid things for a reason.
Maybe the modem is a drawer because it’s ugly and ruins the aesthetic of the room.
Maybe the modem’s constant hum irritates the people in the room, distracting them from the work they’re trying to do.
Maybe the modem’s blinking lights keep people awake or make it harder for them to sleep.
There are lots of reasons why modems are in drawers and very few of them have to do with the IQ of the modem’s owner.
You are being lazy
Yes, there is something that can’t be modified to be easier or more intuitive to use but those things are not nearly as numerous as we think.
Cars had to be big to be safe. Until the Japanese made small safe cars
Computers had to be screens in beige boxes next to beige towers. Until Apple made a teardrop-shaped desktop computer in 5 colors
Can-openers and carrot peelers used to be metal tools that required strength and a bit of courage to operate. Until OXO made them more ergonomic.
Saying, “Modems simply have to be black with loud fans and lots of blinky lights, and they must be kept out in the open,” is, at best, lazy and unimaginative and, at worst, profoundly arrogant.
3 steps to stop being lazy and start being smart
1. Ask your customers WHY they’re doing what they’re doing. Actually, go TALK to your customers and ask them why they’re putting their modems in drawers. Do not hide behind a survey — you can’t possibly know all the reasons why so forcing your customers to pick from a list you created or fill in an empty text box will only get you the answers you expect. If you want the truth, go talk to the humans that are buying and using your products
2. Shut-up and LISTEN. After you’ve asked why, stop talking. Don’t suggest possible reasons, thus biasing their answers. Don’t try to take the blame by asking if your design is too complicated or the print in the instruction manual is too small. Just ask the question and listen. If there is silence, wait patiently. Your customers will start talking and, when that happens, you’re likely to learn something.
3. Make changes based on what you heard. Once you’ve heard the answer to “Why?” do not try to convince the customer that their reasoning is wrong and explain to them why they should do things differently. Once you understand their Why, say “Thank You,” and go back to the lab or the office or the drawing board and start solving the problem
The modem is ugly. Can we change its shape, size, or color so that it blends in or stands out in a really cool way that transforms it into a status symbol (cough, white Apple earbuds, cough)?
The modem is loud. How can we reduce fan speed or improve soundproofing?
The blinky lights are keeping people awake at night. How can we eliminate the lights or reduce the number or change the color or change the placement?
Your customers aren’t stupid.
They’re giving you an opportunity to be smart
Take it.
Originally published (with some minor editorial tweaks) in Forbes as “How To Get Smart About Why Your Customers Do Confusing Things”
Like many people, I have heard the terms “growth mindset” and “fixed mindset.”
And, like many people, I equated “growth mindset” with being open-minded, curious, flexible, and tolerant.
On the flip side, I thought people with a “fixed mindset” were probably sticks in the mud, unwilling to try or even consider something new or a different perspective.
I was wrong.
Let’s start with the basics
My misunderstanding of what it means to have a fixed or a growth mindset is rooted in my lack of understanding of what these terms actually mean.
The fixed mindset is rooted in the belief that a human’s personal qualities are carved in stone. That, at birth, you were granted a certain amount of intelligence, morality, talent, etc. and that there is nothing you can do to develop more.
The growth mindset “is based on the belief that our basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others. Although people may differ in every which way — in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests or temperaments — everyone can change and grow through application and experience.”
Yep, I’ve got a growth mindset…or do I?
I was feeling quite good about myself until page 12. That’s where I hit the “Grow Your Mindset” quiz:
Read each statement and decide whether you mostly agree with it or disagree with it:
Your intelligence is something very basic about you that you can’t change very much.
You can learn new things but you can’t really change how intelligent you are.
No matter how much intelligence you have, you can always change quite a bit.
You can always substantially change how intelligent you are.
My answers were Yes, Yes, No, No.
(note, you can swap out “intelligence” for any personal quality — artistic talent, athletic ability, your personality)
Guess what, questions 1 and 2 are about the fixed mindset and questions 3 and 4 are about the growth mindset.
“I am a horrible person! I have a fixed mindset!” I thought just before collapsing onto the floor, ready to give up on my humanity. But then I rephrased the questions…
A person’s intelligence is something very basic about them that they can’t change very much.
A person can learn new things but they can’t really change how intelligent they are.
No matter how much intelligence someone has, they can always change quite a bit.
A person can always substantially change how intelligent they are.
This time my answers were No, No, Yes, Yes.
I wasn’t thrilled to realize that I had a “split mindset” but it did make sense.
When I think about myself, my capabilities, and my performance I tend to be a perfectionist (ok, I am a perfectionist) and ruminate endlessly on my mistakes (no kidding, I still vividly remember hitting the “hang-up” button instead of the “unmute” button on a conference call in 2010). I am terrified of feedback because I feel like it is a judgement against me. (Of course I ask for it and thank people when I get it but that’s just because these are the things we all agreed to say but none of us really mean. Right?)
But I don’t feel or think any of these things when it comes to other people. I genuinely believe that if you work hard enough and long enough, you can accomplish anything. I deeply believe that sometimes the best and only way to grow is to learn from mistakes. No one needs to prove anything to me and I love people who ask for feedback because it shows they care and that they’re trying and so I try to be as kind and helpful as possible.
I was a bit concerned that having a split mindset was one-step removed from having a split personality but it’s apparently not unusual at all.
People’s mindsets can change for all sorts of reasons — the context they’re in (e.g. work vs. home), who they’re with (e.g. the boss, their co-workers, their partner, friends, their kids, their parents), what they’re doing (e.g. math vs English, work vs a hobby), and any number of other variables. The key is to know when and where a change in mindset may occur.
There is hope!
“Mindsets are just beliefs. They’re powerful beliefs, but they’re just something in your mind, and you can change your mind.”
Thank you page 16.
I will now change my mind.
I had to get all the way to page 254 to figure out how.
Step 1 — Embrace your fixed mindset. > DONE!
Step 2 — Become aware of your fixed mindset triggers. Where does your fixed-mindset self show up. > I tried to answer this question with “life” but it was too general. So I tried being more specific. The list is LONG and still growing
Step 3 — Now give your fixed-mindset persona a name > In progress.
Step 4 — Educate your fixed-mindset persona, take it on the journey with you > I’d rather not as it’s quite an unpleasant travel companion, but fine.
Step 5 — Print out this graphic and tape it to your bathroom mirror > No thank you, it will never survive. But I will print out this one and hang it next to my computer.
Step 6 — At the start of each day, identify opportunities for learning and growth and create a tangible action plan to take advantage of each one. > I’m actually doing this. It’s helping (I think) but it also results in me taking a lot of deep breaths.
I wish the journey from fixed to growth mindset was as easy as simply checking off steps 1 through 6 but it’s not. It’s a daily process that can be frustratingly slow. But I think it’s worth it.
If only so that I can one day get to the point when I say “Thank you for the feedback” and actually mean it.
Other random nuggets of wisdom
In between page 16 and page 254 there was a lot of great stuff about how the mindsets come into play in business, parenting, and coaching. Here’s a sample:
FIXED MINDSET
“The fixed mindset creates an internal monologue that is focused on judging.”
“Effort is for those who don’t have the ability.”
“The fixed mindset is so very tempting. It seems to promise children a lifetime of worth, success, and admiration just for sitting there and being who they are.”
“However, lurking behind the self-esteem of the fixed mindset is a simple question: If you’re somebody when you’re successful, what are you when you’re unsuccessful?”
“The minute a leader allows himself to become the primary reality people worry about, rather than reality being the primary reality, you have a recipe for mediocrity, or worse.” — Jim Collins, Good to Great
“When bosses become controlling and abusive, they put everyone into a fixed mindset. This means that instead of learning, growing, and moving the company forward, everyone starts worrying about being judged. It starts with the bosses’ worry about being judged but it winds up being everybody’s fear about being judged. It’s hard for courage and innovation to survive in a companywide fixed mindset.”
GROWTH MINDSET
“You aren’t a failure until you start to blame.”
“…even when you think you’re not good at something, you can still plunge into it wholeheartedly and stick to it.”
“Just because some people can do something with little or no training, it doesn’t mean that others can’t do it (and sometimes do it even better) with training.”
“A growth mindset helps people to see prejudice for what it is — someone else’s view of them — and to confront it with their confidence and abilities intact.”
“True self-confidence is ‘the courage to be open — to welcome change and new ideas regardless of their source.’”
In business “taking on challenges, showing persistence, and admitting and correcting mistakes are essential.”
“Not only do those with a growth mindset gain more lucrative outcomes for themselves, but, more important they also come up with more creative solutions that confer benefits all around.”
If you want to read Mindset: The New Psychology of Success it’s probably in your local library or you can buy it at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or (hopefully) your local independent book seller.
“I don’t know how I got into the program. I’m not innovative.”
For nearly two years, I’ve been the Dean of the Intrapreneurship Academy, a program I created in partnership with The Cable Center to help the industry’s rising stars learn how to be more effective innovators. Over the course of four cohorts, we’ve taught nearly 100 people from all over the world (US, India, Honduras, Panama, Columbia…just to name a few) the tools and mindsets of successful intrapreneurs and supported them as they did the hard work of making innovation happen in their companies.
And in every single cohort, a significant number of people pull me aside and say, “I don’t know how I got into the program. I’m not innovative.”
To which I respond, “The fact that you don’t think you are an innovator but someone in your company does means that you are.”
Why is this? Why do so many people have a misperception about whether or not they’re innovative? Why do people see others as innovative even if they don’t see themselves that way? While we’re on the subject, what makes someone an “innovator” to begin with?
What is an Innovator?
According to Dictionary.com an Innovator is “a person who introduces new methods, ideas, or products.”
That’s a perfectly good definition but it also means that when my husband says, “I have an idea, let’s install new lighting in my home office,” that he is an innovator and I’m just not willing to concede that (plus he usually chooses to sit in the dark so I’m not sure why he needs new lighting).
A better definition is rooted in my preferred definition of “innovation” and would be something like, “A person who does something new or different that creates value.” The last two words in that definition are critical because they differentiate invention (something new or different) from innovation (something new and different that create value) and therefore inventors from innovators. And, since I’m not convinced that new lighting will create value, gets me out of having to agree with my husband’s claim that his idea was innovative.
How NOT to spot an Innovator
Before we get into how to spot an innovator, I think it’s important to dispel a few myths that often lead to people being misidentified as innovators.
They have a “look.” For a period of time in the early aughts, if you wore a black turtleneck you were likely to be labeled an “innovator” and, as a result, have everyone stare at you with eager anticipation of your next brilliant world-changing idea. Then the magic uniform became a hoodie and flip-flops, or thick-black rimmed hipster glasses ideally paired with a flannel shirt and ankle-length jeans. Hate to break it to you but, unless you live in the Marvel Universe, clothes do not imbue in their wearers with special super-powers, so don’t assume that someone is innovative just because they’re wearing the outfit du jour.
They use innovation words all the time. Just because you can say a word doesn’t mean you know what it means, let alone that you can act on it. I can say “Python” and “Pandas” and “Numpy” (pronounced num-pie) and maybe even use those words in a sentence but I can’t define them for you and I sure as heck can write a program in Python or explain how and why pandas and numpies would be useful in such a program (my husband can, it’s what he does in his home office with the supposedly poor lighting). So if someone is always using terms like “disrupt” or “business model” or “lean start-up” or “design thinking,” ask them to define those terms AND explain how to put them in practice. If they can’t accurately do that, they’re not true innovators.
They tell you that they’re innovative. One of my favorite quotes is by Margaret Thatcher who said, “Being in power is like being a lady…if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” The same thing is true for Innovators. If someone goes around telling people that they’re an innovator or that they’re an “ideas person,” you can be confident that they are not.
How to Spot an Innovator
Now that we know how to spot pretenders, here’s how to spot the real thing:
They ask questions AND they listen to the answers. Lots of people ask questions but Innovators ask questions rooted in curiosity and a selfless desire to make things better. They say things like, “Why are we doing it this way?” and “What if we tried it that way?” and “I know we’ve always done it this way but what if…?” When you give them an answer, they listen and incorporate the new information into their thinking and their ideas.
They’re not afraid to try doing things differently. Maintaining the status quo is safe and no one ever got fired for following the rules. But playing safe and following the rules doesn’t move us forward, it keeps us where we are (and maybe even causes us to fall behind). But doing something different involves taking a risk and that can be scary. Innovators are willing to take on that risk because helping others by improving or creating things is more important to them than their own comfort.
They’re more interested in Doing than Talking. Let’s be honest, it’s fun to talk about innovation. It’s energizing to be part of a brainstorming session with brightly colored sticky notes flying around. It’s exciting to get together a small team to come up with an idea and pitch that idea to a Shark Tank. It’s fun to go on field trips to incubators and accelerators. But innovators don’t stop there, they don’t view those activities as signs of innovation success. They push to prototype and test the best idea from the brainstorming session, they demand dedicated funding and resources to bring their Shark Tank winning idea to life, and they do the hard slow work of applying their field trip lessons to foster a culture of innovation within the organization.
The innovators I teach and work with do all of the 3 things listed above and doing those things come so naturally to them that they don’t realize how uncommon, difficult, and important doing these things is. And yes, some of them also wear black turtlenecks or hoodies or hipster glasses (or all three at the same time!) but they don’t do wear these things because they’re innovators. They wear these things because they’re comfortable. And comfort is of the utmost importance when you’re doing the hard work of innovation.
Part 1 was all about the experience of working in Corporate Innovation so, naturally, Part 2 has to be about one of the biggest areas where time in a said career is spent: meetings.
After nearly pulling/spraining/breaking an ankle/wrist/elbow/shoulder/knee trying to navigate “The Fact of the Matter” (aka experiencing a career in innovation), I looked forward to the safety of the next installation.
Instead I walked into “The Differential Room”, aka every meeting a corporate innovator has to endure captured in a series of chalkboards.
The first team meeting
“Point Point Line” (2015) from “The Differential Room” (2018) by William Forsythe
Kinda weird, kinda fun.
Just like your first meeting as a member of the Innovation team.
This is the moment when you realize you’re in a very different world. Instead of working on things that exist, that can be touched or experienced, that are known and explainable, you are now in an abstract and intangible world that is relying on you to define it, make it tangible, and explain it.
You’ve been given tools (fingers that make “points”) like customer research, access to people in the company, maybe even a bit of money and you’re expected to connect them together to something (a line). It’s up to you what form it takes, whether it is a product, a service, a process (e.g. how long the line is, whether it’s vertical or horizontal or diagonal).
You find that it’s rather fun to play around with options, to imagine what’s possible and, eventually, you actually begin to see what you’re creating.
People walk by and give you strange looks. Some stop to ask what you’re doing. You respond, “I’d make a business (line)! See! Isn’t it cool?” And they back away slowly, shake their heads, and return to their business.
Meeting with the Innovation Team Leader
It’s been fun designing the business (line) but you can’t stay there forever. It’s time to move on, to go deeper into the process.
It’s time to meet with your boss.
“Standing on One Leg (1st Act)” (2018) from “The Differential Room” (2018) by William Forsythe
You know you have to be a bit more buttoned up and that you have to show her the option that you think is best (not all the lines you made, and tested, and discarded). So you prepare a presentation, excited to talk about lines
Yes, the meeting feels a bit like a performance, but that’s what meetings are. You’re surprised that, after presenting your business, your boss tells you that in addition to working on your business (line), you need to talk to this person in finance (stand on one leg), that person in legal (raise the heel of the standing foot), and these 3 people in supply chain (hop) AND do this all on the same deadline with no extra funding (not expressing exhaustion) BUT don’t let anyone know what you’re doing because that will slow you down (not…drawing any attention to yourself).
The Innovation Council Meeting
You’re now exhausted from hopping but you’ve successfully concealed that exhaustion and you can still make a line so it’s time to move deeper into the process and move one more rung up the ladder.
You and your boss prepare another presentation and you go to meet the Innovation Council — 5 people all one-level up from your boss and not involved in the team’s day to day work but definitely interested, somewhat supportive, and with budget to keep funding the work.
“Starting at Any Corner” (2018) from “The Differential Room” (2018) by William Forsythe
More of a performance than the last meeting but, again, to be expected.
For some reason, they think your business (line) should be an app-based service (bench) that bolsters the revenue of an existing business instead of being a new source of revenue. They ask you to prototype the app (walk around the bench), share the prototype with the existing business team (walk alternately backwards and forwards), revise the prototype based on the existing business team’s feedback (complete turn alternately left or right), and model out a 5 year NPV (alternately accelerating or decelerating).
You should have known there would be numbers involved.
The C-Suite Meeting
It took you several attempts to complete the wishes of the innovation council and took much longer than you thought. Your business idea (line) is a distant memory, you now have an app-based service (bench) that seems far more complicated than it needs to be but makes the existing business team happy, and a financial model that, if you’re honest, has great numbers because you used Goal Seek.
Time to move on, right to the end of the installation and the top of the organization!
“Without the Use of the Arms” (2018) from “The Differential Room” (2018) by William Forsythe
Before you could even start your presentation (performance), the questions and feedback started coming at you.
Some of the requests were understandable (lie flat on your back for thirteen counts, sit upright in thirteen counts) but then they slashed your budget (without the use of arms) while still expecting you to do what they asked.
Then they asked if you could launch in 2 months instead of 12 months (increase the angle of the leg to torso to one hundred eighty degrees) and get to $500M revenue in 12 months (keeping the elbows by the ribs, move the hands under the shoulders counting aloud to thirteen).
At some point you stopped listening because it all sounded like nonsense. What they were asking for was impossible.
You went in with an app-based service (bench) that everyone liked and looked good on paper and now you have…..what?
And BTW, the customer research (points) say that people want the business you designed 9 months ago (line)!
The “Planning for Next Year” Meeting
You’ve given up trying to understand, let alone act on, the last meeting. But you are no quitter. You carry on to the next installation. To the next meeting, the one in which the team is planning for next year, requesting the resources it will need to move faster and build bigger businesses.
“Towards the Diagnostic Gaze” (2013) by William Forsythe
“Looks like next year is going to be a down year for the company so they really need us to step up, do more, and generate at least $100M revenue. That said, they also have to cut our budget 75% and our team size in half.”
FML
In Summary…
To be fair, not all companies are like this. But, to be honest, I’ve had 6 conversations THIS WEEK that were some variation of this. Conversations with clients in VERY different industries and at VERY different companies that all said almost the same thing:
It is really really hard to do something new or different in a big company. It’s also really important to try but I am frustrated and exhausted and I’m starting to wonder it’s worth it. Or if it’s even possible.
I know that it pains them to say that. It pains me to hear it.
Making innovation happen in large organizations is about more than putting in place processes, structures, and KPIs (all necessary, but not sufficient, for success).
It’s about leaders learning how to think, act, and react in ways that are different from what is usually required when managing the existing business.
It requires a level of optimism, resilience, and belief in purpose that can be difficult for people to sustain in the face of ever more constrained resources, shorter timelines, and waning organizational patience.
So, when our belief wavers we do the only things we can: we share our experiences with others in similar situations, laugh about the nonsense, and take a deep breath or a small rest before we continue.
After all, the next room was filled with eighty hanging swinging pendulums that we have to dodge to continue through the exhibit.
